leighmaree

    In April 1949, photographer Philippe Halsman was assigned to write a story for Life magazine, to find out how good eight Hollywood starlets were at acting. The starlets were found by editor Gene Cook, and Halsman photographed them in his room at the Beverly Hills Hotel, asking each girl to act out four basic situations: listening to a good joke, enjoying an invisible delicious drink, being frightened by a monster and kissing a fabulous lover.
    When Marilyn walked into the room Halsman discovered a painfully shy girl who was wooden in her actions, and he was not impressed. But when she embarked on the kissing part of the exercise, his opinion changed and he discovered that she was an intense and hard-working starlet. He wanted to encourage her and told her that while most models couldn’t act, she showed great promis and thought she should move to New York to continue her acting career. ‘I didn’t go,’ she later said, ‘but I was thrilled by his encouragement.

-Philippe Halsman;Marilyn’s Photographers 

The unbearable "weight"

Weight, weight, weight, always weighing myself. Hey almost my whole name is included in the word wEIGHt. Such an unbearable fixation. I’m not writing this to be a sob story, it’s just the truth and I think for women it might help to know that others feel the same.

I was always this chubby kid with a sway back. School pictures of me always look like I was sticking my stomach out. Weird stuff how kids are. I remember there was this brand of jean that all the popular girls wore, that just didn’t fit me. All the thin, pretty popular girls were running around in them. Anyway I loved food. I still do. Just can’t help it. Mom was always guarding me and saying things like “get out of that” “you’re not eating again” etc. It’s actually good cause parents need to do that to keep a kid from getting obese. Anyway this is kind of pathetic and sad but in around grade 6 all the boys started smacking and pinching the girls butts in their cute little jeans. All except for me of course. I used to just wish a boy would smack or pinch my butt just once? Sad looking back that I was so desperate to be groped by a bunch of twerps. Anyway of course no pinch.

"How much do you weigh?" So anyway the weight obsession started, or the diet one. Either is the same. Constantly my whole life rationing and going over the frustration with myself for not being thin. Eating, the guilt after the eating, the harsh dieting to make up for it etc. I’m lucky I don’t make myself puke, just can’t do that. Although I know why people do.

What I have to confess is that I couldn’t release my album till I lost the “weight” I couldn’t stand one picture of myself and couldn’t pay a photographer to take pictures of me looking that way. I was also not going out or even doing small performances cause someone might take a picture of me and I’d be horrified - the worst showing up tagged in someone’s FB pics. I got pretty reclusive as I dieted and dieted away, exercised like hell and finally managed to lose 10 pounds. But still not the goal of 15. That was really difficult to finally go through before the goal was reached. Anyway when it came time to take the pictures I was really nervous. Anyway he showed me the first take and my heart sunk when I saw it. “Oh no what a stumpy piglet” It was terrible. I got so nervous I was standing there shaking. I was in a bar and the photographer and make-up artist suggested I loosen up. I had too, it was the only way to numb the critical voice. So I got totally loaded. I didn’t look at the takes after that. At the end of the night I felt so terrible and went home dejected.

So anyway the next day he sent me the good takes and I couldn’t believe it. I don’t know where the stumpy piglet went but it was such a relief. I’m not thin but definitely not fat. Thank god they turned out nice is all I can say, and in a way I’m glad that I wasn’t at the goal weight for them yet still look good.

After the photo shoot I kind of let it loose and gained 5 pounds in literally a week. Such a pain. Now the cycle starts again. I think it should stop though. But it won’t. So ingrained in my psyche. This unbearable “weight.”

Gossip

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.
 
One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know 
what I just heard about your friend?”
 
“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything, I’d like you 
to pass a little test. It’s called the Three Filter Test.”
 
“Three filter?”
 
“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it 
might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. 
That’s why I call it the three filter test.
 
The first filter is TRUTH. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are 
about to tell me is true?”
 
“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and…”
 
“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now 
let’s try the second filter, the filter of GOODNESS. Is what you are about to 
tell me about my friend something good?”
 
“No, on the contrary…”
 
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, 
but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because
there’s one filter left: the filter of USEFULNESS. Is what you want to tell me 
about my friend going to be useful to me?”
 
“No, not really.”
 
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor 
good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”
 

Blog, Tumblr etc...

So here is my test Tumblr blog…

Am sitting here in my dressing gown (as my Australian relatives call it).  Still mulling over the “many” tumblr themes.  Just had a look as some of the designs sent to me by web designers for my actual site.  Which I’m having built around my Bandcamp.  Which is a great way for musicians to sell their music and have control over the sales - although Bandcamp has just decided to take a cut - still better than I-tunes.  Ah I’m tired of looking at all this stuff but can’t help it.  Spend yesterday re-designing the myspace and have come up with something not too bad.  Just discovered Word press now, which could very well mean way more days in my dressing gown in this anti-social staring at the computer type thing I’ve been doing!  So anyway my latest decision is about this tumblr page and the background image and “can you really read the writing very well?” in this one.  Thought about using the Myspace but the Myspace is really well I have to say “lame” in many ways.  I could keep writing about the lameness of Myspace but I would be sitting here in my dressing gown for quite a bit longer.  So think I’ll finish my first Tumblr blog.  If anyone is reading let me know if you can read this writing overtop of this background picture and if you have any suggestions!